Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Weird stuff happening...

...kind of a weird time in my life. I'm 36, I've got a great paying job...but obviously one I can't retire from (it's a short-term contract w/the govt), a great life partner (amazing is probably more appropriate...but I could slew a score of adverbs and adjectives and never truely describe how incredible Scott is to me), and I live near my family. But I feel like I'm missing something. Not missing something physical or emotional, but missing something like what my role in the world is type of thing.

At the same time, I feel I've stretched myself thin. There seems to be too many that need help, support, encouragement, etc. and I'm struggling with keeping my head above water. Perhaps my life seems like a Jimmy Stewart scene where I simply don't realize that I'm making an impact. Surprisingly, I don't feel frustrated, wound-up, angry, or even helpless. I do feel focused, driven, and useful.

It all comes back to seeing the whole puzzle...even though I'm only working on the 300 pieces that consist of the blue sky...where every piece is near identical in color, hue, and saturation, but it only fits in one specific place in the grand scheme of things. Patience, persistence and tenacity are required...but it'd be so much easier if I could do the edges and corner pieces. :)

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