Friday, September 22, 2006
The strange emotion of anger...
I've been searching my emotions lately (that doesn't sound like I'm a vulcan...does it?) and have found some interesting things when it comes to anger. What a strange emotion. Anger demands focus on something that can be trivial...or very important. Even if it is trivial...it seems very important while anger is present. Isn't that strange?
My reaction, when I'm angry, is generally silence. Folks are surprised at my actions and reactions while I'm angry...I'm not a very quiet, reserved person...except when I'm angry. I asked myself, "Jim (that's what I call myself), why do you clam up when you get angry?" I finally was able to answer that question today.
Words are powerful tools...they can be used to mend bridges (metaphorically), open wounds, end friendships, and comfort others...as well as a host of other things. When I'm angry, I don't ever want my words to become weapons...you can't take back things you say. Once said, the damage or lack there of is done. Friendships are often more fragile than we think...relationships often hang by a very thin thread.
I often apologize for my anger...but I hope that I haven't said anything during that time that threatens or succeeds in ending a friendship. Anger is often associated with the color red...red reminds me of heat. When I feel anger, my silence is distancing myself from that burning. It is definately something I need to overcome...or ensure others understand why I get like that. I'm not trying to control my emotion as much as harness it's energy.